She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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