This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
