yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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