she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
