well I can't set my house on fire every night
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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