Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
