How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
