I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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