I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
