yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
