I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
