Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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