i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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