it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
