the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
