I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize