I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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