my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
