I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
