plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
