I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Two words: blizzard sex
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
