Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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