peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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