My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
