So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
