I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize