I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
