Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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