My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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