how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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