I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
