Yo dont text me then not text me
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's blow job season.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize