I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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