just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
