Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My vagina is officially offended.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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