remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
