you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
