She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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