Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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