Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
