And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
