why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
accomplished twins. life is a go
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
