apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
