The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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