If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize