i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
