The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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