hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
