No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I looked at my own cervix.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
