i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Randomize
