hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
