I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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