i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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