Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
