I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
