bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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