Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
