I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
