yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
