I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think I died a long time ago.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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