i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
