butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I want to fling myself into the sun
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
