apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
