1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
