the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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