they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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