my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just found puke in my bra..
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
