All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
These tits shall not be calmed
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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