the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I believe in your delicious
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
