is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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