I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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