some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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