we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
