I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
