I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm at about main and main street
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
