I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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