my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
