weddingsv make me drug and hornr
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
