I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize