we're chasing vodka with high fives
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
