I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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