He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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