I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize