Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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