I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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