My liver just broke up with me...
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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