id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How external is "for external use only"?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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