so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
