I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
