so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
