So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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