can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
