So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
