In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I love you. Go after that dick
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
