I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
