you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
the liver wants what the liver wants
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize