I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Someone came in the potted fern
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
