got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
