I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
