walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
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