he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
