I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
