I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
