I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
